That being said if there was more of a LGBT prescnece maybe I could’ve bypassed the whole I’m different phase and gone ‘straight’ into the ‘I’m gay’ stage of life which is much less mentally straining. Thank you straight media for all the mental torture to myself, I needed that. Being a homosexual man who thought he had to be straight, watching the infinite forms of media of straight couples only reaffirmed my weirdness in society. But where does that leave the bisexuals? Hmmm maybe Derek in Parks in Rec who was April’s boyfriend who had a boyfriend. Boom you got lesbian, gay, and transexual. I’m talking Orange is the New Black, Neil Patrick Harris and Bruce Jenner. These kids are able to look towards those who they decide to idolize and find themselves through that adoration. It really is exciting to know that kids now a days are having more exposure to all different types of sexual identification as well as sexual orientation. Some of us are lucky and figure out that being and thinking differently from the norm are completely fine, and those people discover they are able to accept themselves in high school or even younger. If you’re tired of reading go to my last paragraph for the finale of my life story in this segment. I would like to keep writing about my life experience, but I really don’t know if there is desire out there to read my thoughts. If you enjoyed my story up to this point then please comment regarding your pleasure in connecting with me. I had a few of my friends take these two tests which are obviously not tell tale signs of where you exactly stand on this scale, because only you and I mean ONLY YOU can answer that question. Finally 4-5 being homosexual with the incidental heterosexual encounter. 3 being bisexual and as fluid as the scale can get. 1-2 being heterosexual with an incidental homosexual encounter or thought. Or maybe they aren’t 100% straight because there is the Kinsey scale that rates sexuality on a scale of 0-6, 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual. Those 4 years of my life was the long path of mental torture that I needed to realize that I was inherently different from most of my friends as they are so helplessly straight.
But if I didn’t have those memories of pain and confusion I wouldn’t have had the mental strength of knowing that life wasn’t about a single set path to love and success. To turn away from this perfect life that I built up in my head was to turn away from everything I ever thought in the past. The fact that I can look back at that now and understand that I was seeing it as a game to be won or lost makes me realize just how confused I was back then. I often thought about either my jealousy of them being able to not know the future, or the helpless perfection of my life. Of course those thoughts were fought off with knowing that I won the game of love that everyone seemed so desperately to be playing. I couldn’t believe it, in fact I couldn’t believe it so much I had to beat myself up with negative thoughts of insecurity. We experienced everything together that love had to offer between high school romance and college life drama. We went to homecoming together and the next 4 years was history. Instead confidence fell into my lap when a friend of mine placed her in front of me leaving me no other choice but act accordingly. It seemed society was telling me confidence was something you grow into but I wasn’t growing into it.
Obviously I cared about this but not to the point of actually taking full action in complete confidence. I was the normal hormone driven high school boy whose next step in life was to lose my virginity. Next, I will tell you my life story of how I went from following the norms of society to the point of perfection, to beating myself up over that perfection, and finally to where I am now which is somewhere beyond those two. Well I accepted my sexual fluidity and not a single person has turned a cold shoulder to my presence even after coming out from the proverbial closet door. The randomness of those thoughts seemed to become linked to the idea that I was simply “hyper sexual” and I needed to harness it somehow. Or is there a lack of like minded people? I was once one of those people that chose to fight every thought I had. Now imagine beating yourself up over not being “normal”.Ī portion of our friends are undergoing this kind of mental torture everyday because of the lack of like minded people.
I want you to imagine a world where society told you that having heterosexual desires was not the norm, yet you often thought about that girl or guy in your class.